things are good-ish
i have strated eating again
but i pretended to have my period this month so that my mother would keep off my back
but then she found out so she was even more worried
ive gained rather a large amount of weight
i have noticed that R*** is eating less and i had a chat with her about that
my group have made friends with some boys at last
i have a boyfriend-which i s not going too great, but what you gonna do we've only been going out for 2 weeks
i got an A in geography
ummm got D of E practise this weekend-not looking forward to it at all
on friday i slept over at my grandmas house with like 8 other people
its my birthday in 1 week
i am going on a diet for summer
and yes that does mean i will now have to stop eating again

so a lot has happend since my last entry
as you all know i haven't realy been into eating for a long time
stupid as i am, i thought that no-one had noticed or if they had that they didnt realy care
i thought i had been careful by eating at home in front of my parents
but last wednesday i got called into the office of the head of pastoral care at my school
she asked me why i thought i was there and i had no idea, so i said so
she said that it was because some of my friends and teachers had commented on how i had lost weight and wasnt eating my lunch
i could feel my face burning but i denied everything that she said my friends had said
then she phone home
i told my mum that i hadnt been eating properly, it was all very emotional and i cried but i still didnt tell her the full extent of my eating habits, she just thought i wasnt eating a very big lunch. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that i no longer eat breakfast or lunch
and the thing is i still dont want to stop eating badly
i dont think i can face eating properly
i can already start to feel myself put on weight
and now my mum is keeping an extra eye on me i cant not eat
i dont know what to do
i will keep you posted

oh my god
the weekend went really bad
i binged a lot
but today was good
i ate
1 bowl of pasta
but May is going to be a bad month
i have half term and work experience which means i am going to have to eat properly
it was well hot today and i want to get a tan i just need to get my body in shape for the beach
i wish i could make myself throw up after i ate
but i just cant
...
contemplating buying a calory count book
..

6 slices of pizza
salad

3 duck pancakes
1 prawn
some sweet and sour curry

1 bowl of pasta

okat so yesterday doesn't count cuz i was still binging
today i ate:
1 celery stick
4 slices of cucumber
and a very very big bowl of pasta
that's a start anyways
but its Freya's birthday so there's gonna be cake and wagamamas
and then there's vicky's part anf there's gonna be pizza and sweets and then there'll be cake on monday too
i don't know what to do
maybe i just wont eat anything next week

i have no will power
the walks didnt work that well
i am now a fatty
did a massive binge
will now go on a major diet

im going away today
to the lakedistrict
i cant wait to go
its gonna be walks every day
woo gonna get fit
anyway easter is comingto and im dreading that
im just going to have to be very strong willed
well wish me luck
see you in 2 weeks

i feel sick
i spose that serves me right though
so far today i have eaten a bowl of cereal
and loads and load of sweets which have made me feel sick (at myself and physically)
maybe i should just throw up
and i just had dinner
fucking hell i ate a lot
1 sausage
mash
leek and cheese sauce
a bowl of natural yoghurt with bannana and crunch
1 biscuit
and a maid of honour
im gonna see the wombats
AHHHHHHHHH