things are good-ish
i have strated eating again
but i pretended to have my period this month so that my mother would keep off my back
but then she found out so she was even more worried
ive gained rather a large amount of weight
i have noticed that R*** is eating less and i had a chat with her about that
my group have made friends with some boys at last
i have a boyfriend-which i s not going too great, but what you gonna do we've only been going out for 2 weeks
i got an A in geography
ummm got D of E practise this weekend-not looking forward to it at all
on friday i slept over at my grandmas house with like 8 other people
its my birthday in 1 week
i am going on a diet for summer
and yes that does mean i will now have to stop eating again

so a lot has happend since my last entry
as you all know i haven't realy been into eating for a long time
stupid as i am, i thought that no-one had noticed or if they had that they didnt realy care
i thought i had been careful by eating at home in front of my parents
but last wednesday i got called into the office of the head of pastoral care at my school
she asked me why i thought i was there and i had no idea, so i said so
she said that it was because some of my friends and teachers had commented on how i had lost weight and wasnt eating my lunch
i could feel my face burning but i denied everything that she said my friends had said
then she phone home
i told my mum that i hadnt been eating properly, it was all very emotional and i cried but i still didnt tell her the full extent of my eating habits, she just thought i wasnt eating a very big lunch. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that i no longer eat breakfast or lunch
and the thing is i still dont want to stop eating badly
i dont think i can face eating properly
i can already start to feel myself put on weight
and now my mum is keeping an extra eye on me i cant not eat
i dont know what to do
i will keep you posted

oh my god
the weekend went really bad
i binged a lot
but today was good
i ate
1 bowl of pasta
but May is going to be a bad month
i have half term and work experience which means i am going to have to eat properly
it was well hot today and i want to get a tan i just need to get my body in shape for the beach
i wish i could make myself throw up after i ate
but i just cant
...
contemplating buying a calory count book
..

6 slices of pizza
salad

3 duck pancakes
1 prawn
some sweet and sour curry

1 bowl of pasta

okat so yesterday doesn't count cuz i was still binging
today i ate:
1 celery stick
4 slices of cucumber
and a very very big bowl of pasta
that's a start anyways
but its Freya's birthday so there's gonna be cake and wagamamas
and then there's vicky's part anf there's gonna be pizza and sweets and then there'll be cake on monday too
i don't know what to do
maybe i just wont eat anything next week

i have no will power
the walks didnt work that well
i am now a fatty
did a massive binge
will now go on a major diet

im going away today
to the lakedistrict
i cant wait to go
its gonna be walks every day
woo gonna get fit
anyway easter is comingto and im dreading that
im just going to have to be very strong willed
well wish me luck
see you in 2 weeks

i feel sick
i spose that serves me right though
so far today i have eaten a bowl of cereal
and loads and load of sweets which have made me feel sick (at myself and physically)
maybe i should just throw up
and i just had dinner
fucking hell i ate a lot
1 sausage
mash
leek and cheese sauce
a bowl of natural yoghurt with bannana and crunch
1 biscuit
and a maid of honour
im gonna see the wombats
AHHHHHHHHH

bowl of cereal
celery stick
bowl of stir fry

bowl of cereal
obegene and parmesan bake
half a slice of toast
1 stick of brocoli

hola
i was annoyed with holly this morning because of the weekend
appartantly jake didnt have a party anyway
oh well
i ate:
1 celery stick
1 bowl of caneloni with bolognese sauce on top
WOWAH MAMA!
that's very good

1 week till easter
oh god im going to put on soooo much weight at easter
but we're going to the lakedistrict so hopefully ill just burn off all the calories
today was as bad as yesterday
iff not worse
mum and dad had a fight and it was quite scary
there was a lot of f***ing
but freya was out so didnt hear
nick is a chav
i ate:
1 bowl of cereal
1 bowl of soup
1 slice of toast with butter
half a slice of toast with strawberry jam
1 biscuit
big dinnerincluding
pork
sausage
leeks a white sauce
potateos
stuffed mushroom
brocoli
then pudding
sticky ginger pudding
vanilla ice-cream and custar
fooking hell
i must starve myself next week
no breakfast
no pudding
v.v.small lunch i.e celery,cucumber
and small dinner
MUST
but my myspace profile looks amazing!

ended up staying in
saw holly in town with laura
non couldnt come
and harvey tried to come
kiran is doing something else
and i binged
i ate:
1 substantial bowl of cereal with crunch and muesli and full fat milk
1 smoked salmon, cucumber, cream cheese sandwich on white bread
1 muffin with strawberry jam
1 oat biscuit
1 bowl of pasta
1 bowl of natural yoghurt with orange, kiwi, banana, crunch, muesli and honey
so that's
cereal
crunch
muesli
full fat milk
smoked salmon
cucumber
cream cheese
white bread
muffin
strawberry jam
biscuit
pasta
bolognese sauce
natural yoghurt
orange
kiwi
banana
crunch
muesli
honey
and im not even going for a fucking run tomoro because Perry and Nick are sleeping over
GRRRRRRRRRRRR

hopefully we are going to jakes rave tomorow because perry and nicholas are coming over.
if not me non and hol are going to go to pizza hut and not pay
hopefully we will share a pizza because bloody hell how many calories are there in a pizza?
today i ate
1 celery stick
2 slices of chicken pie
and 1 bowl of yoghurt with muesli
so i didnt do that great
and tomoro is saturday hopefully i have enough will power to get through it without binge-ing!
watched atonement
was alright
could have been better
xx

i think its the 12th today
cant remember
did art today
god i hate it my picture just looks awfull
oh well
i ate:
1 and a half bananas
1 large bowl of pasta with sauce
bowl of youghurt and muesli

Art today had to do a tracey Emin style wall hanging
went quite wron
oh well
today went quite well
no breakfast or lunch
all i had was:
2 cups of tea
1 portion of fish and chips
4 strawberries
Mum and Dad have gone to Camden round house to see the jesus and mary chain
it is beeing said that Kiran has been asking round for me.OH DEAR
and might be going to a rave at Jakes on saturday

11/3/08
Today
3 cups of tea
1 cinamon dolce latté
1 bannana
1 helping of shepheards pie and brocolli
1 yoghurt with musli

I dont know how the hell this works
i really dont get it at all
Today i did my ballet exam
i suppose it went ok, i messed up quite a bit
then i bunked geography
SCOPE was fun and i went to the library
WEEKEND
was pretty fun but i ate so much
have to starve myself this week before easter
TODAY
was not a good start:
1 pita with lettuce, ham and tomatoe
1 biscuit
1 bowl of pasta
1 BIG bowl of crumble
OH FUCK IT

Hola,
yeh, so christmas didn't go so well.
I ate soooo much, i've put on A LOT of weight.
so my new years resolution is to loose weight-it seems to be going well and i have been going for runs, bike rides and doing a lot of ballet.
i have written a list of what to eat for the following week.
today i ate:
cereal with milk
1 bannana
pasta with mushrooms and cheese
gooseberry crumble and natural yoghurt
OH DEAR! that looks like too much, i need to stop having pudding.
Oh well, its a start.
xx