so a lot has happend since my last entry
as you all know i haven't realy been into eating for a long time
stupid as i am, i thought that no-one had noticed or if they had that they didnt realy care
i thought i had been careful by eating at home in front of my parents
but last wednesday i got called into the office of the head of pastoral care at my school
she asked me why i thought i was there and i had no idea, so i said so
she said that it was because some of my friends and teachers had commented on how i had lost weight and wasnt eating my lunch
i could feel my face burning but i denied everything that she said my friends had said
then she phone home
i told my mum that i hadnt been eating properly, it was all very emotional and i cried but i still didnt tell her the full extent of my eating habits, she just thought i wasnt eating a very big lunch. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that i no longer eat breakfast or lunch
and the thing is i still dont want to stop eating badly
i dont think i can face eating properly
i can already start to feel myself put on weight
and now my mum is keeping an extra eye on me i cant not eat
i dont know what to do
i will keep you posted

oh my god
the weekend went really bad
i binged a lot
but today was good
i ate
1 bowl of pasta
but May is going to be a bad month
i have half term and work experience which means i am going to have to eat properly
it was well hot today and i want to get a tan i just need to get my body in shape for the beach
i wish i could make myself throw up after i ate
but i just cant
...
contemplating buying a calory count book
..